There are so many things I have learned since having a second child. One of the biggest ones was something that I have always heard but didn't quite believe it until I had experienced it myself.
Every pregnancy is different. Every labor is different. Every baby is different. And every postpartum experience is different.
I knew this to be true to some degree but not in its entirety. It is obvious that these things are different from person to person but ALSO in the same person's experiences. Regardless, every experience is beautiful and you may have to learn in and from each of them.
I know these things to be true in my own life.
With Little Ox #1 - my pregnancy was as smooth as could be, my labor (and newborn baby) couldn't have been easier, and my postpartum experience was delightful. It took time to adjust to some postpartum changes but it was still wonderful.
Little Ox #2 is a different story. But this does not make him less of a blessing or less of an enjoyment in our lives. Different does not have to mean better or worse.
My pregnancy was pretty horrible at times. I did not have any physical complications and baby was healthy, but my emotions and body were out of whack and way out of my control at times. I struggled with mild depression during the first and second trimester and in the third my body and emotions had been drained of all its strength and more.
My labor was extremely difficult, very emotional, and a lot longer than the first. It was NOTHING like I expected it to be. (When you have children, all your expectations should be thrown out the window anyway, huh??) You can read about my experience here.
My postpartum experience this time around is quite different as well. Previously, it was a nice experience but I struggled with my body after having my first and I never really came to terms with it until about 9 months postpartum. From the start this time, I knew what to expect a little more, and whether or not I lose the baby weight, I love my body and will continue to love it because I know what it has gone through to grow and bring TWO babies into this world. My emotions are a little more out of control than before but I think that is because of how emotionally difficult my pregnancy was. I also believe it is because of how different #2 is compared to #1.
It took a few weeks for me to come to terms with this but Little Ox #2 is a colicky baby. My first was so easy that it is difficult to admit that this one is hard. (oh so hard, at times.)
However, after coming to terms with that and learning more about it, there are ways to become adjusted to it.
Learning about your colicky newborn could not be more important. I thought it would have to be something that I would just have to ride out for the next few months, listening to him cry most of the day, every day, for forever.
Luckily, I realized that it didn't have to be that way and mama and baby are much happier because of it.
I am not saying that we have it all figured out, or I have the miracle cure for colic. But I am saying that these things have worked to make myself and my baby happier during this difficult stage.
- Accept it
- I needed to accept that he was colicky and that I needed to make some changed to ease the difficulty
- Process of elimination
- Figure out the biggest cues that bring on the crying fits and eliminate those things as best as possible. For Nolan, I have had to cut out dairy, chocolate, caffeine, and other foods that cause gas. I have had to change the way I nurse him, the way he sleeps, and how I interact with him during the day. We have learned that swaddling will work some of the time and that pacifiers never do.
- Be open to changes
- I needed to learn that I might need to hold him (or wear him) most of the day for him to be happy. It has changed a lot of my daily routine (and made it somewhat difficult) but it is what works for us,
- Take time for yourself
- Every now and then, I need a moment to get away for a bit and recharge in silence. This allows my patience and understanding to be stretched.
- Remember it is okay and it will pass
- A baby has never died from crying and it is okay to step out of the room to breathe for a bit. Also, remember that it will not be like this forever. It will pass eventually!
- Live in the moment
- This sounds difficult, but remember to enjoy this time while they are still little. You may have to enjoy them while they're crying but do not wish the time away. Be with them and enjoy their presence - happy or sad. And love them regardless because every baby and every experience is different.
Homework:
If you see a mama out and about with a screaming baby, do not judge. Do not think to yourself that she is horrible for letting her newborn cry or that you could do better. That mama might be struggling and probably has already tried everything. So take a moment and encourage that mama for going out in the first place and give kind words rather than judgement.
Thanks :)
